Setting Boundaries after Betrayal Trauma

Setting boundaries after betrayal trauma is difficult but so important. Here are a few tips for setting boundaries:

➡️ Boundaries don’t need to be complicated. Think of them as a temporary fence that keeps the good in and the bad out.

➡️Boundaries do not have to be forever or absolute. Think of this as a temporary compromise. For example, you might set a boundary that your partner attend therapy weekly. However, this boundary might change as the recovery process progresses. Instead of weekly therapy, you might attend couples therapy, a couples group, and other events together. The recovery process changes over time, and our boundaries might shift and change too.

➡️Be prepared to hold your boundary. This is the hardest part. What will be the consequences if your partner betrays you again? BE REALISTIC. No, you don’t have to kick them out. But, maybe you can handle an in house separation with help from a therapist? Or maybe your boundary is that you engage in self care? Perhaps, your boundary is weekly couples therapy. Whatever it is, be prepared to hear NO. Just because we set boundaries, it doesn’t mean people have to respect them. You must feel confident in the boundary and the consequences.

➡️Practice self-compassion. Even if you lapse on a boundary, it is ok. Maybe you weren’t comfortable with the consequences? That’s ok! Redraw the boundary to something tolerable. SMALL SUCCESSES GO A LONG WAY 💗

If you are ready to set boundaries and start living for yourself, we’re here for you.