Tip #1: Use caring body language

If you betrayed your partner, you might feel immense guilt and shame, and want to withdraw from the relationship and hide your pain.

It is imperative that you take steps to build trust, and building up your skills in providing empathy is a fantastic step in developing the skills you need to navigate betrayal recovery and build a lasting lifetime of commitment.

Use caring body language to show your compassion, understanding, and empathy. In the beginning phases of a relationship recovery, ASK PERMISSION before using any touch on your betrayed partner.

Non-touching caring body language can include keeping your arms uncrossed during conflict discussions:

• Smiling at your partner when you enter the room

• Relax your jaw and soften your face, a relaxed face portrays openness and collaboration

• Look directly at your partner when speaking to them—keep your gaze soft and compassionate

• If you are taller than your partner do not tower over them during a conflict—step back a few feet and use a calm voice.

Tip #2: Practice Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can reduce pain and stress after infidelity. Stay present in the moment with how your partner is feeling right now. Don’t leap to the future. Stay present, resist the urge to say always or never. Nothing always or never happens. Your partner is having strong feelings now. Stay mindful and speak gently.

Mindfulness reduces the shame, guilt, and pain after betrayal and infidelity. Mindfulness helps you take it one day at a time in addiction recovery. What you did yesterday is not what you are doing today. Stay in the present moment and notice what you feel and think right now…not yesterday or three months from now.

Tip #3: Use gentle touch on your partner with permission

Your betrayed partner might feel resistant to being close or touching in the beginning phases of relationship recovery. It’s essential to ask for permission:

• Can I hold your hand?

• Can I give you a hug?

• Would you like to sit next to me on the couch?

• You tell me when you are ready to sleep in the same bed again.

Respecting your partner’s boundaries and body will help rebuild trust and shows empathy for their pain, hurt, and distrust.

I know things are hard right now. The fact that you’re willing to change and grow is a step in the right direction. You are not alone and there is hope.

Here is a short video with Brene Brown where she describes and differentiates between empathy and sympathy and explains why empathy is so important to healthy connections and relationships.