Don’t tell people to “look on the bright side”

Did you know that telling people to “look on the bright side” can invalidate their feelings, lived experience, and core needs and beliefs? Instead of using phrases that perpetuate toxic positivity, try using statements that help the person feel heard and understood. 

Here are a few things you can say when someone is hurting or having a bad day:

• “I’m here for you.”

• “I know this hurts. Tell me more when you are ready.”

• “How can I support you?”

• “Wow, that is a tough day!”

• “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

• “Let’s talk about that. I see how important this is to you.”

Keep listening and validating them. We heal through empathy and connection with others.

I know things are hard right now, but in healthy relationships, people grow and change together.

Polyvagal theory is rooted in the idea that humans can calm their nervous system by connecting with other humans. Gentle touch, a hug, a warm smile, or a soft and gentle voice does not only soothe fussy babies and toddlers, but also soothes adults and helps us feel safe, secure, loved, and calm. There is so much growth and relationship development that occurs when people treat each other kindly in relationships and make them feel validated.

Keep turning towards your partner. Turning towards them means that you respond to your partner in a way that acknowledges their needs and what they said in a kind way that encourages a reciprocal and loving interaction.