Stop Toxic Shame

Everyone experiences shame. It is part of the human experience. There is a healthy shame and toxic shame.

Toxic shame stems from past trauma, abuse, neglect, bullying, and emotional wounds. We carry these core shame messages throughout our lives. When we make a mistake we spiral into self-defeating talk and toxic shame. 

Toxic shame sounds like:

• “I’m so stupid! I never get anything right!”

• “I can’t do anything right in this relationship, I should just leave, you’d all be better off without me.”

• “If you loved me, you wouldn’t treat me like this. I wish I could die, you’d all be happier.”

You can hear how toxic these statements sound, and yet, most people experience toxic shame during their lives.

Let’s talk about healthy shame and what it looks like:

• “Too bad that happened, I learned my lesson, I won’t do that again.”

• “I know I make mistakes. I’m going to try harder to be the best partner I can be. I won’t be perfect, but I’m trying, I really am.”

• “When I heard you say that, I felt hurt. I respect your opinion, but can you rephrase that without criticism?”

• “I know I’m not perfect, and bad things happen to good people. I’ll keep trying at this.”

Can you hear the difference? Toxic shame is dangerous and causes depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. 

If you are struggling with toxic shame, call 281-766-3376 and start living life with less shame and more joy.