You cannot learn when your limbic system is on fire.

When your limbic system is activated, you enter a state of fight, flight, or freeze. Your body and brain are seeking safety from what your brain perceives as a threat. After betrayal trauma, your partner’s limbic system is activated, and they are experiencing symptoms of PTSD.

You can build empathy by not engaging in conflict discussions when you or your partner’s limbic system is active.

See a couples therapist and learn how to take a healthy negotiated timeout if you struggle to break away from heated conflict. Show compassion for your partner when they feel activated. Say something like, “I’m happy to give you some space, and I’ll be in the other room when you feel ready to discuss this.” Do not yell, throw things, or drive off—this escalates conflict, crushes empathy, and leaves your partners feeling alone and hurt.

Couples struggle with conflict and conflict escalates and often becomes unmanageable after infidelity. Both partners experience intense emotions, fights escalate quickly, and partners feel triggered, which activates the limbic system. Individual and couples therapy can help you learn coping skills to manage anger, irritability, and trauma responses that include nightmares, memory flashbacks, and hostility.